15 Jan What Took Me So Long…And What I’ve Learned
This blog has not been out long however I have already received quite a number of questions as to why it took me 5 months to get this blog out there. Of course there is the time it takes for website creation, Facebook layout, and the administrative necessities, but after sifting thru an array of emotions the honest truth comes down to two words… fear (in all its forms: fear itself, rejection, etc) and uncertainty. What is interesting is that if you stop and think about those two words you will quickly realize how much they bleed into so many aspects of our life. Stop reading this for one moment and think about those two words and how they relate to your life. I guarantee you they have played a part. Here are some that come to my mind from my perspective.
We parent out of fear. Every decision we make is what we think is in “the best interest of our children” isn’t it? We fear that something will happen if we make the wrong decision. We fear we will be judged as both parents and people when we make said decisions. We fear how our children will grow up and who they will turn out to be because of said decisions and the list goes on! I don’t think any of us will ever know if any decision we make is the “right” decision, but when it comes to parenting is there such a thing as the “right decision?” If any parents reading this feel absolute and certain when it comes to their parenting abilities I bow down to you. For most of us we come around to this notion that I have mentioned quite a few times since starting this blog and that is the notion of being and doing what we feel is “good enough.”
When it comes to our careers we often tend to stay in a job because of the security, especially financial security (and trust me I get it, this is easier said than done), and fear of change. We fear that we may not be “good enough” for that new position, or “good enough” to make that leap and we will fail, and of course the uncertainty of change could become overwhelming. When chasing our talents and passions, even as good as we think we are, they are always shadowed by thoughts of succeeding and being “good enough.”
We even fear relationships especially when it comes to “parent friends.” I have quite a number of thoughts on “mom dating,” and promise to cover that topic in an upcoming article because it will be a good one! The fear and uncertainty of establishing and maintaining any relationship, whether it be with friends, family or new loves always comes back to ourselves and if we feel “good enough.” The success of any relationship I feel starts with us. If we fear we are not good enough it may be a rocky road. If we fear the uncertainty of a relationship I think we could miss out on quite possibly a great one.
I have gone thru all of these emotions and then some, and hell continue to think about them every day. I absolutely feared rejection and felt am immense amount of uncertainty in starting this blog. Although writing has always been a passion of mine the uncertainty of reaching anyone was quite great and the fear of putting myself, my thoughts and views, and my family out there even greater but the possibility of connecting us as parents and more importantly individuals is worth going thru these emotions. Truth!
Here is what I have realized and hopefully you have as well at some point along your journey. It really doesn’t matter if we make the wrong decision(s) with our kids. it’s pretty inevitable. As long as it isn’t detrimental to their actual life it’s ok! No one has all the answers when it comes to parenting…NO ONE. If they say they do, run. They are most likely bat shit crazy and probably not someone you want in your blanket fort. Also fear is going to come with anything new, especially when chasing your talents and passions. I have failed before but I’ve learned it’s important to get up again (I’m still a work in progress here). I will share a little something with you. You may or may not know I was at one point trying to get a handbag line going. Fashion was always a huge part of my life and I wanted to create something unique and different. I poured my heart and soul, and quite a bit of money, into this company. I worked my ass off for it, all the while working a 9-5, and felt I was on my way. I came to a financial crossroads, especially when my husband and I decided to have kids, and I made a choice to close the company. It was devastating for me. I went thru all of the emotions you could possibly imagine: failure, embarrassment, anger, resentment and even a sense of mourning. I’ve learned that I can either stay stuck in that or reinvent myself and get back up. Lastly, relationships will vary in depth but it’s always important to speak your truth and be unapologetically you. Those that want in will make their way along the journey with you, and those that don’t well it’s their loss. I’m 37 years in and just starting to get this concept and owe a lot of that understanding to motherhood. My husband on the other hand, who can be friends with a tree, caught on to this far sooner than I did.
Fear and uncertainty are just words. We cannot manifest them into “beings.” Once we do then they will do what they do best and take over. Find your vice, whatever that may be, and when they show up to pay you a visit tell them “not today.”
You are enough.