04 Jan You Look Great!
This one has had my mind blown for some time now. I’m not quite sure what happens after you have children but all of a sudden all logical and meaningful conversation becomes null and void and all anyone could ever think to say to you is “You look great!” As if it is some rite of passage when talking to a mom and that gets you brownie points. Hmmm..brownies..anyway…
When you’re a mom of multiples it then becomes, “You look great for having twins!” (triplets, quads, etc). I really don’t understand this epidemic and yes it’s an epidemic. I cannot tell you how many times over the past 20 months I have heard, “Well you look great for having twins” or I have had someone comment on how I look. So is what you’re telling me that the more humans that come from my loin the better I look or is this just a cover up for “you really look like shit however that would be rude of me to say.” I’m very confused.
For those of you who have been guilty of this, and at some point I’m sure we all have, please know that there is more to us moms than how we look. Way more. If we want your opinion of how we look you can rest assured we will ask for it. For some of us a comment on how we look could add to an already insurmountable amount of insecurity that we are dealing with as it relates to how we feel about ourselves, especially when you are a first time mom. What we really want to hear, what we really need to hear, is how amazing we are, how amazing we are doing trying to raise a tiny human, or humans, maintain a household, work on our careers, devote time to our relationships with our partners, family and friends, sustain some sort of sanity while keeping mental lists of what size clothes they are now in because they seemed to grow overnight and you were certain those clothes fit yesterday, what doctors appointments they have had or need, are they meeting milestones, have they survived on more than just air today, are they feeling ok (which turns into repeatedly checking their body temperature because you will literally sell your soul to the devil himself to avoid them getting sick and then talk yourself into the belief that they are fine…but ultimately yes they have a fever) and the list goes on.
We need to stop this epidemic of “You look great” and start giving each other what we really need and that is kindness and support and really if you have nothing else to talk about in this small window of time that we have carved out for you among the million items on our to-do list today then just smile and move on or offer to babysit.
You are enough.